Archive for the ‘Hopes’ Category

Guest Blogger

Thursday, November 17th, 2011


I’ve been thinking about posting an update to my last blog entry, but it’s been difficult to find exactly what I want to say. So, when @mama2stevie (Jani) copied me on an e-mail she sent to her brothers, letting them know what all is going on with Stevie, I thought, “I should just post this.” So, that is exactly what I’m doing… with her permission, of course. Without further adieu, said e-mail follows:

I know this isn’t the “politically correct” way of telling you guys, but I wanted to let you know what’s been going on here…

Not sure if you have read Patrick’s latest blog on playertobenamedlater, but we’re heading down a road with Stevie that has already proven interesting.

Stevie says 2 words – that’s it. Hi and Bye. No “mama”, no “daddy”. no “no.” Just Hi and Bye. Now, I get that kids develop at different rates and that this may just be a delay and not an indicator of anything more serious. We took him to his doctor (freakin Kaiser offered me a phone appointment to discuss his speech delay with his new pediatrician). Dr started asking more and more questions (while stevie is literally running around the exam room and turning on the hot water). Eventually it comes out that she wants to give him 3 referrals – developmental pediatrician, hearing test and autism spectrum disorder screening. She made it clear that this is just a screening and doesn’t necessarily indicate that he has any level of autism, but she saw/heard some things that she would like another opinion on – namely that he doesn’t bring us toys and that he doesn’t point.

So, here we go. Got the massive packet of forms to complete in the mail last week. Took the necessary forms to his daycare and I got the forms back the same day. Patrick and I looked at them over the weekend when we started to complete our packet of forms and in looking at them, I wondered if his “teacher” can really evaluate a child that she spends 16 hours a week with in amongst all the other kids that she has responsibility for. AND, if some of these were such big issues, why haven’t they been brought to our attention? Yes, we talk to the teachers every day, but if they seem to gloss over most of this stuff. If we weren’t pushing for the screening would anything have been said? The one thing that really bugged me was one day of my kid taking his pants off doesn’t indicate a problem in my mind. Of course, I am not a trained educator and he probably got a reaction which is more what he wanted than just having his pants off. And then there is the complete inconsistency of them being “proud” of him the week before for taking his shirt off.

So, anyway, we have one more to complete (they sent the spanish version and I had to call to get an english version sent) and once we send those back and have them read, we will get an appointment for a screening. They’ve already told us that this will be harder on us than on him because he just gets to play. The wait for screening appt is right about a month right now, but Kaiser has an obligation to conduct the screening within a certain timeframe.

The hearing test is part of the autism screening as well and that will be done on Dec 7 (first available). The developmental pediatrician won’t book an appt until after the autism screening, so we’ve got that going for us. There is always the hope that he will just start speaking in complete sentences… So, we are looking at at least another month of well, panic and insecurity for me and Stevie just being Stevie.

So, that’s what’s going on here. Again, I’m sorry for the email about this, it’s somehow easier to write about it than talk…

love you,
Jani

Apple, Apple, Red Apple

Tuesday, November 1st, 2011


Today was Monday, October 31, 2011, Halloween. Not normally a “school” day for Stevie, but they were having a trick-or-treat party and we were told we could bring him in for the event. When we got to his classroom the kids, about half a dozen or so, and a few of the parents were sitting down at their tiny chairs, for an afternoon snack of fishy crackers and apple juice boxes. Stevie was very clingy and wanted Jani to hold him. No doubt he thought we were bringing him to school to be dropped off. The teacher thought it might put him at ease if he joined in for snack time. So, Jani sat down in one of those comically small chairs and helped Stevie enjoy his snack. I was sitting on a play structure about six feet away from the table, taking pictures.

The kids were all quietly enjoying their snacks when the silence was broken by a tiny voice. A little boy named Benny said, “apple.” Benny’s father replied, “that’s right, apple.” Benny was looking at the juice box, which had a picture of an apple on it. I thought, “good for you, Benny.” The boy was smaller than Stevie and looked like he might be a couple/three months younger as well. Being that Stevie basically only vocalizes “hi” and “bye bye,” I couldn’t help but think that it was pretty advanced for Benny to recognize and say “apple.” I was genuinely impressed with young Benny. Then it happened. Like wildfire it spread. Benny said “apple” again. Then another little kid said “apple. Then another and another and another, until almost all of the children at the table were saying “apple.” One of the little tykes even went so far as to say, “red apple.”

Suddenly, I had that bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I looked over at Stevie, who was showing little to no interest in the apple conversation. I caught eyes with Jani. I looked at her and she at me and our minds seemed to be connected, like those creepy blond kids in “Escape from Witch Mountain.” With a single glance I could tell that Jani and I were thinking the same thing; our son, who is without a doubt far ahead of other kids his age in most, if not all of the physical categories, is behind the curve when it comes to speech. I’ve suspected as much for a little while now, but I’ve told myself that all kids develop differently, at their own pace. Stupidly, I continually ask other parents with children Stevie’s age, how much their child is speaking. I don’t usually like the answer I get. But, today was different. They all said “apple,” every stinking one of them.

So, now comes the self-doubt… the what ifs… the blaming one’s self… the baseless wild speculations… the fretting… the sadness… the tension… the complete and utter feeling of helplessness.

My son is why I get out of bed in the morning. He really has given reason to my life. I’ll do anything, and I mean anything for him. Joe Rogan, of all people, summed it up best on a podcast I was listening to a while back. He said, and I paraphrase: I’ve got two bananas. One is perfect and the other is all black and shitty. I really want that perfect banana, but I look at my child and I’m totally going to eat that shitty banana.

So, tomorrow at 10:00 AM we’re taking Stevie to his doctor and we’re going to start the process of getting him tested for his slow speech development. I’m really hoping that he’s just being stubborn and simply doesn’t feel like talking yet. But, no matter what the outcome, I’m totally going to eat that shitty banana.


Head Down

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

Things are moving right along, folks. We had our bi-weekly Dr. appointment today and the NP confirmed that the Ginker is head down, which means he could come any time now. Of course he’s not due until the 28th, but really he can come whenever he’s ready. Maybe he’s like me and is hoping for the tax break. That’s my boy!

Throughout the pregnancy it’s been in the back of our minds that something could go wrong at any time. And, although it’s still a very real possibility, I’m resting a little easier these days. This coming Monday we will be at 37 weeks, which means the Ginker is fully developed and is now just packing on some weight. If he came early now odds are that he would do fine.

Something happened to me about a week and an half ago that left me with a huge sense of relief. (more…)

They Call Me Mister Ginker

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Well, the title of this post pretty much says it all. Jani had her sonogram yesterday and it revealed that contrary to my overwhelming feeling we were going to have a girl, Jani is in fact carrying a boy. Of course, the technician gave us the usual disclaimer that she could not be one hundred percent certain that our Ginker is a boy. (more…)